A Different Phase.

I'm back, as hopeful as ever. Hopeful that I'd keep this blog running like how it was first intended to be. I guess in a way, I've changed. I can't seem to pour many of my thoughts and feelings here anymore. At least, not so publicly. And the muses, seeing as to how boring I have become, they left me. Just like that. All nine of them. [Goodbye, come back soon!]

It's been like what, half a year if not more. I couldn't even look at my blog for more than 5seconds because of guilt! I would not categorize my life as boring. But I agree that blogging about it...it kinda bores me out just a little. All the plans of downloading the photos to my pc and then uploading it to blogger just never came into action. Well, there were some actions but definitely incomplete ones. Sigh. Well, let's not get into there. I know I need to knock some good ol' discipline into my big head. =)

Too many events and happenings occurred during the last months that I disappeared from here. There is even an additional member to the FAMILY! And we are all patiently awaiting for the arrival of another TWO more, babeh! I'm a proud good ol' aunt right now. Omigosh. I'm one of the elders in the family now. Wow. *speechless*

I'll definitely dedicate a blogpost about my new darling soon.

And honeys, I've graduated! After a painstaking FIVE years in university, I'm finally done with studying. I might not have flown with rainbow colours, but hey, I am confident and proud of my high-flying results! =)

Oh, and I had a wonderful yet short-hauled convocation ceremony.

I'm definitely dedicating a blogpost for my graduation day! And probably another for my last year in university. And another for my FYP. Yeap, that's what I'm gonna do. Well, for all that's happened, they deserve a blogpost each, at least.

Then, there are the trips I went on and trip that was unrealized. I had a blast in Redang Island with the Rendezvous gang. The fun was supposedly be continued in Bangkok. Pre-graduation and graduation trip. But the rioters could not have found a better time to go on riots. And so, that's how my graduation trip is put on hold right until now. It's still on hold, you know.

Now, the Redang trip is what I don't plan on blogging on with words. The photos are enough to speak the thousands words it meant. In fact, no words of mine would be good enough narrator. =)

One reason why my graduation trip is put on hold in the first place [besides financial difficulties] is my sister's wedding. Yes, my big sister's finally married! [Oh, she's gonna kill me if she sees this. Haha!]

I'm really so happy for her! She'd finally found her man, and they're gonna live happily ever after. Build a home together, grow a family together. Could it be any more blissful? Oh, what is a graduation trip being postponed compared to this? =)

I've moved on to a different phase in life now. I'm a worker now, a contributor to the society. Man, am I proud of myself! Being bonded with TM may not have been such a bad thing after all. Despite all that I have said and thought, I am actually enjoying this. This whole going-to-work thing doesn't give me the creep, whatsoever. In fact, it felt just like our internship programme back then. Let's hope that doesn't last too long.

Thanks to being in TM and the mandatory leaves we have to take, I'm having a really long holiday from tomorrow till next Sunday! I'm all hyped for this holiday. In fact, I'm taking a bus home right after work today back to Penang! No time is to be wasted now. ^o^v

So long now. It's almost off-work now. Tee-hee. Well, it won't be long till you see me in the next post here. Pinky. =)

Selamat Hari Raya, people. Happy holidays and have a safe journey home! Just like what I would have. I shall be waiting on my kuihs raya, yea. Cheers~

Deal With It.

It'd been raining for almost an hour or two. Heavy rain with lightning and thunder. Brrr~
Well, it's the thunder that came so suddenly that really scares me off my feet. You know, the one that either you didn't see the lightning or the one that came right after a split second you saw the lightning. Sounded stupid of me right?

Well, in this situation I was really scared. So scared I actually curled up with my pillows all around me. All alone. So, nobody would see me and laugh. =p It's a good thing right?

At first I was hoping something would happen to me, something nice and warm. But I have to deal with it. It's not gonna happen. No matter how hard I wished for it, it wasn't gonna happen.

Now that the rain is gone, everything became clear to me. I have to stop living a life filled with hopes and wishes. Deal with it that life isn't a fairytale. I'm not a Disney princess. There ain't not gonna be a prince to come and save me.
No matter how much it is gonna hurt or hurting right now, deal with it.

Sounds pathetic? Nah, I don't think so.

Thanks, Mr Cloud. For clearing my view. :)

Pancake For Breakfast.

I was cowardly enough to endure all the anxiety. Only when I don't remember it, I don't think about it.
Yesterday, upon making up my mind, I finally wasted no time that the moment I can get my hands on to the net, I logged in and terus checked it.

Hmmm... Probably I should be on cloud nine now. But as happy as I am right now, I do not take much pride in it. Noted, not too much larh~
Of course I'm still happy and proud!! D'oh!!! What are you thinking?! Hahaha!

After so long and so many times of dreaming, finally it became true. Finally I get this penyek results. I love the joy of looking at the numbers.
I know I've been hoping and wishing for this since the very first semester in Alpha year, but not once had it come true for me. Ah, I'm just glad it finally come along. Though it was just for this short semester, I'm still glad I didn't fail myself this time.

For this short semester, all I wanted was this ending. Having only two subjects in hand, and one of it being an extra-curricular activity, it's very little stress to handle in hand. Hence, I put myself up and set a target I never get to achieve once again back on board. I told myself I would be the greatest disappointment for my own if I can't do it this time again.
Thank God I did it!! Else, how would I ever be able to face myself ever again? *pfffft*

Oh, I love love love this!! What a motivation for the next semester~! Though this trimester I'll be taking 6 subjects, I'm very much motivated. I know I can do it! All I have to do is just believe and work hard!
Go, Elaine!! *winks*

Chocolate Makes Me Happy.

As cliche as it may sounded to be, life is like a box of chocolate. Every time you reach inside, you'll not be guaranteed a piece that you love, a piece that you want. For me, I wish that everyday God will give me a piece of dairy milk chocolate. Something so plain yet so satisfying, something that would make my day. Then, everyday of my life would be perfect. Happy and smooth-going.
But I cannot blame Him when I get dark chocolate some days. Or even when I get the alcohol-based chocolate. There are people out there who loves dairy milk chocolate too. =)

No matter what chocolate I get, it's still chocolate. Is it even true that when I get my favorite one, my life is perfect? Is it true that when I get the one I tried my best to avoid, my life is totally ruined?
This is life. Nothing is ever perfect. Nothing is ever totally imperfect either.

I'm just glad that my everyday gives me no reason to not anticipate for the next days to come. I'm just glad that no matter what chocolate I get, it always melt away. The taste would linger, no doubt. But pop another one in, you'd probably begin to learn how to savour it.
It's okay not to love it. Just don't hate it. Don't let it conquer your taste buds for the days to come.

Chocolate still makes me happy. =)


p/s: It's an assorted box of chocolate I'm talking about. *winks* Cheers~!

Technical Communications Crap.

Gahhhhhhhhh...
Damn pissified right now. The more I think of it, the worse I feel.
I did try not to think about it, but sadly I couldn't anymore.
Had been successful for almost 4 hours anyway, but...*sobz*

Yergh~! Why?! Why is it the same mistake over and over again?
Why is it that I always have to spend SO frigging much time on beautifying the first essay?! Crap~
Why is it that I always have to spend SO frigging much time on thinking the perfect right words for the first paragraph?! Crap~
Why is it that I always leave myself with half hour to do the last essay and not finishing the second essay?! Crap~
Why is it that I always get panicked and regretful only near the end?! Crap~
Why is it that I always always NEVER learn?! Crap~!!!

Grrr...Why the so many whys now? What's the point?
Grrr...So much for aiming for an A for this subject.
Grrr...But it's the only thing I really can opt for on getting an A.
Grrr...How could this happen to me?! What's wrong with my English?!
Grrr...I wrote like I have never written anything substantial in my life before!
Grrr...What's the point now even if my coursework marks are good. Bah!

Elaine...I'm disappointed.

The Importance Of Letting Go.

Another phase in life, I suppose?
To realize the importance of letting go. And to find peace, as well as joy, in doing so. I've heard of this phrase once, and it really struck me till today. It goes something like this,

"If you hold on to a beautiful butterfly too tightly in your palm, you would only kill it. But if you were to free it from your grasp, you could enjoy the beauty of it."

Not to mention, the life you save.
These simple words meant so much. It is just so typical of life, in which humans would quite literally kill to hold on to some things they know weren't meant to be. Partly in denial and partly in believe that situations would change as they desire. As pointless as it may seem, some see it as faith.
But this time around, even faith can not quite change the fact of this. And so, we had to let go.

The past couple of days had been hard. But I'm proud to say you guys had pulled through pretty well.
It hurts to see you in such a condition. It hurts more to fear that each small thing would remind you of him.
Yes, it was proven to be a 'him'. Oh, the disappointment I expected.
Words may come out at the wrong time, but I know no poison were meant to be inserted with those words. Rants are meant to be just rants.
Rants are meant to be spoken of and forgotten about the moment next.
Please be assured everything will be alright, and I certainly believe that light will be shone upon us once again, soon.

And to you, my dear. I know you are sad, disappointed and probably even furious at one point or another. But I'm proud to say you've handled it all pretty well in you. It is however pointless now to put blames on anyone, or even anything. Like you said, probably we weren't his destiny.
The days ahead may be hard, for you mostly. Please take care of yourself.
The coughs are getting really bad. It hurts to see how much you've done for us, and nothing done yet for you. I wish I could be around more often.

Lil one, rest assured. They said you've chosen a pretty good day to leave. I hope you did. I couldn't bear to see you. I agree that it would only hurt more seeing you like that now. But if they said the decision made were the best for you, I believe it is. And from the condition confirmed to be, such decision had been forced to be made with no regrets. I just hope you'd rest in peace now.

The past nineteen weeks had been filled with hopes and plans, not to forget joy. These may need to be put on hold now. Until the new ray of light peeks into our lives once again. We will be there. With arms wide open, once again.

Indecisive Me.

I wanna stop thinking, but I can't seem to.
Why the heck I'm thinking, I don't even know.
There's nothing to consider about, so why bother to?

Let it naturally come about, I will finally know (?).

It's just me. Had always been, still am, but hoping never to be anymore.
Fickle-mindedness is really starting to take its toll on me.

It's bad enough to not be able to make decisions. But it's even worse to change your decisions made, in just a few moment!
Every decision [thought to have been] made will be counteracted with another opinion, quite naturally and quite immediately. In just a split second, you see Elaine in a dilemma once again.

I know there are two sides to every coin. But I know better that for every decision made, it must have been given thorough thinking and made with pure confidence.
Quite disappointingly, I seemed to lose alot of confidence lately. I can't seem to make good decisions anymore. [Or so I thought, hopefully.]
This is no blind-self of mine, this is a very public-self of me.
I'm kinda expecting people to get real pissed with me real soon. *aiks* =(
One day, I know. Soon, I don't hope.

Gotta stop, gotta stop this nonsense! There are so many things running through my lil brainy right now, and added with the indecisiveness in me, I don't think it can sustain it all. o.O
Already I'm feeling lost every now and then, I don't wish to totally lose it all.
So however it may be, Elaine, don't make the wrong moves.
Let fickle-mindedness stop just at those lil petty stuffs, alright?