The Feeling Of Being Afraid.

Yes, I'm afraid. Of what? Of running out of time.
And having to rely on the speed of how others would work. The worst of it all, having to rely on the decision that how the person in particular would make.

I hate this. I hate having to wait on others, having to depend on what others felt like deciding. Especially when I'm running out of time, I hate this!!!
I can't just sit here and wait. But what else can I do?! I'm freaking out. I freaked out, yes. And now I am freaking out AGAIN.

There's noone who can help. Not even myself at this point, except to stay confident and hopeful.
But where can confidence and hope bring me? I'd love to believe I'll go far with just that. However, part of me still is sober enough to realize that I can't just live on those. But how?!
I'm freaking out AGAIN. Gosh~!

I think I'm gonna sedatives soon if this doesn't get settled and go away.

H-E-L-P!!! *sobz*