After a great long chat with a really close friend, I'm still very much in a dilemma. Not knowing what I want, not knowing what to do. [It's back, it's back!! ><]
It was pretty sudden that I decided to talk to her about it, though I had wanted to do so for long. Not bad, I finally had the nerve to tell her.
As I was telling her about practically the whole stuffs and stories, I find myself annoying. Reason? I am fickle-minded, I am unsure of this and that and the worst part...the whole conversation was filled with "I duno".
Brrr...I know, it's just a matter of time that she'll grab something, anything available anywhere and hit it on me. Hehe. *sighs*
Thing was I didn't quite know what or how I want to tell her. I was even afraid that words wouldn't come out right, and meanings will be distorted/redirected. You'll never know how scary situations will be then.
And the other thing is, my mind is playing tricks on me. Everytime I'm telling this, that'll be in my head as well. Thus the twist and turning of words, because all of them are pushing their way through, not wanting to miss the drama.
Before we started on the conversation, I never expected that we would come up with any conclusion.
And true enough, even at the end of the conversation and until now, I have no conclusion in mind nor am I ready to make one. And yes, I wish to have one.
One more thing I just found out is that the reason I am telling her all these was probably just to hear someone says,"It's okay. I agree with you. You can do that. Don't worry about it. Just go ahead with it."
Something like that. It's bad, really bad. But basically, I guess it's all I really want. Just so I know I have someone backing me up and supporting my acts. [Provided that it comes from her truly, of course.]
Thank God she never said that just to satisfy me. And I'm truly thankful for this friend to be there and listen and not wanting to kill me...yet. Hehe.
Thanks, girl. I might just come and kacau you even more in the future. *gasps*
BOOK 3 IS HERE!
5 years ago
3 comments:
hey ,, actually i supposed not to comment ....since there is no question need to be answered here , but i found myself in commenting mood where it is only way for us sometimes to ran away from the pressure and share our dilemmas ,,
2 years ago , i have got mission to do for my company and i had to travel to another state , we were team however we merely known each other ,, the mission was doing something like feasibility study , we were 5 ....the job was very tiring , we were expected to come up with good job ,, the place where doing our job has no phones ,, no electricity and sometimes you have got to walk to reach some places ,,(guess the place) it was really an exciting experience ,,, you are out of the world ,, what ever you feel ... angry or depressed ,, you cant do anything neither talk to your parents ,,,nor your friends ...
after i came back i exploded i was just talking to any one and telling how hard is the life without someone to listen to you ...
Stay hungry ,,, Stay Foolish
:) No man's an island.
technically .... yeah
STSF
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