A Reason Behind All Things?

Just the other day, I was asked if I believe that things do happen for a reason. I thought a 'yes'. As a matter of fact, though I do not know what blessings were supposed to come with the all-oh-so-many things that had happened in my life, I still think it's a 'yes'. Sadly.
Weird enough, I even believe that the small small things that happened or did not happened in my life could actually be the reason gracing its way through to the bigger reason. [Hmm. A lil complicated there my words.]
Well, anyway, you might just not know what has been in plan for you. I guess?

Just like today. I've woken up pretty early today [don't ask me why] and had been pretty awake since. Looking out from my balcony to the weather so beautiful, I don't wanna miss. And so, I've decided to go for a jog to the park alone.
I don't do this jog-alone thing [considering the danger embedded with it], but today I felt especially attracted to the nature calling.
But guess what then. Just when I was ready to get out of my house, I couldn't find my key. Great, huh? After much pondering and drama within self, this is the conclusion.
Oh, the dumbness I felt. The pissified me was convinced by a friend that the God doesn't want me to go. Well, I'm still pissed.

Another beautiful morning wasted by. Now, tell me.
Is my key at fault or the nature calling out to me at fault now? *sigh*
Could my day actually get any worse?
Shucks, my big mouth. Spoken too early. ><

Don't Act Like I Owe You.

I repeat, do NOT demand me for things like I owe it all to you.

I hate it when people come up to me and scowl at me like I am responsible for their lives. Especially in the morning. What more, on a Monday morning!
Well, forget it. I am giving no heck for whatsoever shyt about your things.
As a matter of fact, I don't give no shyt about alot of things today.
So DON'T ruin my Monday mood! Dammit!

As much as I'd love to help for charity, I [or rather we] do have our own limits. And once again, I repeat, it is NOT our responsibility to provide you with whatsoever you'd like to ask for. So back-off and not be so demanding before you hurt yourself. I don't bother how big this thing you think it is.
I don't even bother if you're up to it. Though I seriously would like to tell you in your face to not accept the challenge if you're not up for it. But, I ain't that cruel. Take your chance, and good luck.
But be sure I ain't responsible, so leave me alone!
I said I would help to ask, and be sure I would. Again, note this: No promises!
I can't do what you do. I don't go around barking, demanding for this and that. That's the difference between you and I.

* warning to all : Be aware of Elaine's bad mood today and don't say the wrong things, at the wrong time. =p *

The Importance Of Letting Go.

Another phase in life, I suppose?
To realize the importance of letting go. And to find peace, as well as joy, in doing so. I've heard of this phrase once, and it really struck me till today. It goes something like this,

"If you hold on to a beautiful butterfly too tightly in your palm, you would only kill it. But if you were to free it from your grasp, you could enjoy the beauty of it."

Not to mention, the life you save.
These simple words meant so much. It is just so typical of life, in which humans would quite literally kill to hold on to some things they know weren't meant to be. Partly in denial and partly in believe that situations would change as they desire. As pointless as it may seem, some see it as faith.
But this time around, even faith can not quite change the fact of this. And so, we had to let go.

The past couple of days had been hard. But I'm proud to say you guys had pulled through pretty well.
It hurts to see you in such a condition. It hurts more to fear that each small thing would remind you of him.
Yes, it was proven to be a 'him'. Oh, the disappointment I expected.
Words may come out at the wrong time, but I know no poison were meant to be inserted with those words. Rants are meant to be just rants.
Rants are meant to be spoken of and forgotten about the moment next.
Please be assured everything will be alright, and I certainly believe that light will be shone upon us once again, soon.

And to you, my dear. I know you are sad, disappointed and probably even furious at one point or another. But I'm proud to say you've handled it all pretty well in you. It is however pointless now to put blames on anyone, or even anything. Like you said, probably we weren't his destiny.
The days ahead may be hard, for you mostly. Please take care of yourself.
The coughs are getting really bad. It hurts to see how much you've done for us, and nothing done yet for you. I wish I could be around more often.

Lil one, rest assured. They said you've chosen a pretty good day to leave. I hope you did. I couldn't bear to see you. I agree that it would only hurt more seeing you like that now. But if they said the decision made were the best for you, I believe it is. And from the condition confirmed to be, such decision had been forced to be made with no regrets. I just hope you'd rest in peace now.

The past nineteen weeks had been filled with hopes and plans, not to forget joy. These may need to be put on hold now. Until the new ray of light peeks into our lives once again. We will be there. With arms wide open, once again.

Clarification.

*this message is specially to my readers (friends in particular)*

First and foremost, my heartiest gratitude to all of you for the love and concern. Sorry to might have bothered you with such a blog post. In fact, I'm sure it did bother you. Intoxicating as it is, it wasn't meant to disturb you.
I might had made a mistake posting the previous message, especially after I had sorta purposely leave it unclear in one way or another. Undeniably, I was alil more than just emo or down and I only had my blog to turn to. A friend had been a good listener, but there's just this much you can say.
I truly understand that a blog is for open-reading, but it is still my personal ranting spot, right. :)

It may seemed dramatic, but it wasn't meant to be.
It may seemed troubling, but it wasn't meant to be.
I just needed to say things I couldn't have done it without looking insane, I just needed to let it out. Please do not misjudge my message, nor misinterpret it. Best is, don't interpret it.
But to clear things off now, the "you" mentioned in the previous entry is not referring to my brother. I don't know how did it lead to thinking that it was referring to him. I still can't quite figure it out.
Well then again, I can't say it isn't related to him at one point or another.
But...ah, well. It's ok.

Do not worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll keep holding on. I know I'm strong. =)

Love always,
eLaiNe.

You're My Only Wish.

You don't know how happy we are, expecting you to the family

You don't know how proud we are, anticipating for your arrival
You don't know how scared we are, caring for your little self
You don't know how sad we will be, if you were to ever leave

I've practically waited for you all my life. The constant bugging I gave him, I truly meant them all. I know you could change alot of things.
Change him, bring brightness and hope.
When the news of you came by, I never thought it was for real.
Though I seriously hoped for it to be real, from the bottom of my heart.
And yes, you are for real.
You'll never imagine the joy we feel. Everyone is anticipating to meet you. Anticipating to love you.

I'm afraid. I don't want you to leave. I want to know you, I want to love you.
As silly as it may sound, I even had plans how love should be showered upon you. Yet I'm pretty sure I'm not alone. You should see them.
They may not have put it in words, but I know they are even happier than I am for you. Their actions have spoken so much louder.

I'm sorry if it had been me you're reluctant to come to. But I hope you can stay mad at me, as long as I can see you. I would make up for it as best as I can.
Please stay, and be strong. You've been sent to us for a reason, that I truly know. I still believe you love us, just the way we love you that much.

I am loving you already. I have dreamt for you for too long, I don't wanna stay asleep anymore.
You're my only wish now. The only wish I pray for at night. Please, be safe. :)

Bomba Visit. PC Fair Rush.

I visited the Cyberjaya Balai Bomba for the first time today. Always, we would just pass it on the way to Putrajaya or Dengkil, but this is the first time we actually entered the place.
I have now officially visited both the police station and fire station in Cyberjaya! Haha.

Reason for visit? Photos!~

All the photos are for our Moral project. Apparently we have to do some social work as a group for this assignment. And we kinda chose this place cause we didn't have much time left~ *ahakz*
The things we do as 'charity' was really funny, and are not exactly what was expected by me. Weird.
Most were even taken for 'show', not like we really did it. Like this one.

Oh well, photos taken, floor and toilet morally cleaned. Hahaha.
Mission accomplished. On to the next.

Pikom PC Fair! Which is like total madness, the people there! =.=
Again, this is my first time to the PC Fair in KLCC. Yada yada.
I'm kinda amazed anyhow. Yeah, comparing to the one in Penang. Haha. They even have like EIGHT different halls for it, including the KLCC Ballroom.
Good God.

It is so tiring. And I couldn't exactly get half of what I wanted. Budget constraint. *sighs*
Though my Dad did generously told me to lookout for and get whatever I want to buy, provided necessary of course. =P
Message to Dad: I want to buy this and that. Bank in ma-neh for me? *grins*

Well, at least I finally got a new thumbdrive for myself, and my Dad. ^^

[For my own.]


[For my Daddy.]

Only downside of this was, I was too blurred and got a purple-coloured one for my Dad. Aih! I know my Dad ain't that particular about it, but I am!
Then again, was too lazy to actually go back to the stall for exchange, considering the amount of people there. And I did liked the design of the thing.
[It'll start to look better to me soon, I hope? Haha.]

Oh, we even saw this on our way in Cyberjaya.

There were another two cars involved actually. The Mercedes was badly crashed as well. *sighs*
Apparently, the Iswara car in the photo was one that Winston is in. Heard he got a few stitches. Hope to hear from him soon.
Get well again soon, Winston!

Indecisive Me.

I wanna stop thinking, but I can't seem to.
Why the heck I'm thinking, I don't even know.
There's nothing to consider about, so why bother to?

Let it naturally come about, I will finally know (?).

It's just me. Had always been, still am, but hoping never to be anymore.
Fickle-mindedness is really starting to take its toll on me.

It's bad enough to not be able to make decisions. But it's even worse to change your decisions made, in just a few moment!
Every decision [thought to have been] made will be counteracted with another opinion, quite naturally and quite immediately. In just a split second, you see Elaine in a dilemma once again.

I know there are two sides to every coin. But I know better that for every decision made, it must have been given thorough thinking and made with pure confidence.
Quite disappointingly, I seemed to lose alot of confidence lately. I can't seem to make good decisions anymore. [Or so I thought, hopefully.]
This is no blind-self of mine, this is a very public-self of me.
I'm kinda expecting people to get real pissed with me real soon. *aiks* =(
One day, I know. Soon, I don't hope.

Gotta stop, gotta stop this nonsense! There are so many things running through my lil brainy right now, and added with the indecisiveness in me, I don't think it can sustain it all. o.O
Already I'm feeling lost every now and then, I don't wish to totally lose it all.
So however it may be, Elaine, don't make the wrong moves.
Let fickle-mindedness stop just at those lil petty stuffs, alright?

Fun Day in Genting Highlands.

What a great weekend!
Parents came down to KL (Genting Highlands, in particular) for the weekend! Well, it was for the mini family gathering. Nonetheless, they're here!

And this time around, I asked a couple of my friends to tag along. Glad I did. =D

[Great companies, they were.]

Apparently, they got lost in KL before reaching in Genting. It's very very weird, I know. But heck, they got there safe, that's what matters most eh. *winks*

Outdoor Theme Park was fun! Thanks to the company we had, the rain and the mist. The cold weather was simply awesome!
The last time I entered the outdoor was with Lee Na and Su Shyan, years back. And it was a really short one. *sighs*
But this time, we had the whole day to crash the party. =D

Funny though, I don't know if I'm exactly glad that the rain came along mid-day. We were lining up for the 'Space Shot' and were getting so so near to the end of the line, with Chee Wei finally gathering up the lil courage already, when it suddenly started to rain. *sighs* Potong~

I'm confused, but I still think I'm glad. Haha. Because of the rain, we went back indoor. And I did rock-climbing for the first time! Boy, was I nervous. o.O
But I did do quite well, with wriggly legs and sweaty hands. Haha.

And only because of the rain, we went back to the outdoor theme park at night. It was really nice not to have to spend a long long time to just queue for your turn. And hence, the TWO consecutive rounds of the 'Cyclone'. Though the 'Corkscrew' would have been more fun.
Well, anyway the 'Cyclone' was really just the dessert to our TWO consecutive rounds of the 'Flying Coaster' ride. Haha. So, it's fine it's fine. ^^
But believe it or not, we actually rode on some really stupid rides as well. Like the one with the haunted-house-like thingy. Haha. We felt really dumb after.
But, what the heck. =D

[They couldn't even be bothered to 'enjoy' the ride.]

And this one, too.

[Kinda forced to ride on by me. =D ]

We just had to leave the place at 10pm sharp. =.=

[Misty~]

If we were to ever compare this place with any place like Disneyland, it is such a disappointment. Speaking of the 4D Motion Master ride in particular, which was the most disappointing one. It gave us an even worse headache than all the outdoor rides summed up together. We spent most of the 5 minutes checking out the spectacles and finding the best way to watch the thing.
Haha, thank God it was only for 5 minutes. =p

[Check out the mucus on Gkai. =.= ]

Well, the weather was great though! It's just so fun to simply stroll around.
But basically, we just sat somewhere at the junction of a road.
How dangerous is that. =.=
Enjoying talks (nonsensical talks) while enjoying ice-cream and Starbucks hot coffee were really fun though. ^^
Ought to do it again sometime real soon. Haha.

Ahhh~! This is so fun!! Haha.
*ahem* I think we're losing our voices too. Had been shouting for no apparent reasons during rides.
Thanks for the great weekend! =D

Well, good times good times.
Now, moving on to the hard one, gotta start focusing for my midterm on Tuesday. Good God! I'm at level 0!

*a-ti-choo*

Hrmph. Someone must be cursing me!

Had been sneezing all of a sudden, now and then, with no reason at all. It's been like this for more than a week or two. Definitely not because of the cold weather. Weird.
Even worse is definitely when you get a tinging feeling on your nose that a sneeze is coming and yet not able to sneeze it out! *urgh*
I look like an idiot holding my nose and trying to force the sneeze. Yish~

Stop cursing me! :P

Happy April Fool. Happy Birthday.

It's that time of the year again!! The time of the year when lame jokes are legal.
I so definitely will always and forever remember the lil lame jokes we used to put on each other back in primary.
Even the simplest, "Oh my God! There's a lion behind you!!" will get one fella jumping like mad. Haha. And the joy we had. ^^ The naive kids.

The best practical jokes played on me by far has to be by one of my Standard Five teachers. She's the best, I'm telling you. Scare the heck outta us. =(
You see, we really like this teacher. She's fun and nice.
So imagine the big shock we had when she told us that one of us in the class actually went to the Headmistress office and made a pretty serious complaint on her. The complaint was fine, but the part in which she said she had to resign due to THE complaint was seriously not fine!!
Hrmph! Why did we even fall for it?!

Oh! Coming to MMU, I actually met this one fella who's the biggest lame joker on Earth. ^^ [Take it as a compliment, friend. And it is.]
Haha. Some must be wondering how it can be a compliment. Well, jokers make you laugh. =D Smile, at the very very least.
Aren't ya proud of yourself to make us laugh 9.5/10 times?

So, Happy Birthday Ang! You've proven yourself to be a true April Fool child. =D