Update?

I cannot believe people listened to my rantings like drama. To the extent that ada orang minta updates nih.
Hey, these are just rants and my thoughts at times ok. Not any TVB dramas. =p

Erm, right then. Er, here goes. Some lil updates just so you would know I ain't in the emotional mood now. [No guarantees that it won't be back, now or later. =p]
Everything had taken a whole new change of direction since last week. Thursday, to be exact. It may seemed to have happened too quickly, and it was very much as if I had got some PMS-thingy running or mood swing or anything of the kind, but aren't you glad for me too? Now that it's over?

I would not deny I still think alot now, even right at this moment. But I'm trying to make the best out of everything, live the best out of everyday. The dilemma had been for I-don't-know-how-long [maybe a month, maybe two, I don't know], I'm just glad that one thing is cleared. Now, time to live for the second one, third one... ><

If only I can live without worrying so much about what the future holds. But that ain't quite Elaine of me, don't you think? =p
Wish me luck. *winks*

An Eventful Day.

Was officially out of my home for a whole 17 and a half hours.
Started the day at 9am, woke up and got ready for class. After class, I followed Yamunah to the library [I need to start studying myself also]. Then in the evening, I got another 2 hours class again, of which I just 'fish' my way through. I just felt so tired and sleepy, my bodily function is really screwed up. Hadn't had good night sleeps for few weeks now. Just lately, it's getting worse, added on with the fact that I sleep late and waking up really frigging early. The fact that I'm sensing a flu coming my way doesn't help either. But it's funny how it is coming and yet not coming. [If you know what I mean.]

After class at 5pm, went back to the library cause sorta promised Yam to stay. I suddenly was up, awake and kicking. Started studying for 15 minutes and I decided not to go home, but I never brought something [I thought] pretty important with me. So, I texted. Somehow, just somehow that I don't know how, it was brought towards a very wrong direction. =___=

7pm came and it's time for lab. Today's lab was prolonged straight till 9pm. Right on time for our MESCORP's outing. But heck, John cheated with his "KL cafe" line. Li Ping told it's Luna Bar that we're going to. Grrr.
Fine. I'm alright. I just don't like the fact that they're not telling me, knowing I wouldn't have agreed to go if they have told. LOL anyway. :)

Well, I had fun, but was very very very tired though. Truthfully, thank God it was Ladies' Night, so I needn't pay a single penny to get in. *blerk* Just for the girls. La la la~~

Thanks for all the people around! ;)

'Gotta Go My Own Way'

I gotta say what's on my mind
Something about us doesn't seem right these days
Life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan is always rearranged
It's so hard to say,
But I gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now, I gotta go my own way

Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up and I watch them fall every time
Another color turns to gray
And it's just too hard to watch it all slowly fade away
I'm leaving today
Cause I gotta do what's best for me
You'll be okay

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now, I gotta go my own way

What about us?
What about everything we've been through?
What about trust?
You know I never wanted to hurt you
And what about me?
What am I supposed to do?
I gotta leave but
I'll miss you...

So...
I've got to move on and be who I am
(Why do you have to go?)
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
(I'm trying to understand)
We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now
(I want you to stay)
I gotta go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am
(What about us?)
I just don't belong here, I hope you understand
(I'm trying to understand)

We might find a place in this world someday
But at least for now...
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way
I gotta go my own way.

My life is all about me, have always been and should stay to be.
I've been engaged in a dream for far too long, it's time to be sober once again. =)

Just When I Thought It's Over.

I'm feeling so happy for the past two days, minus the occasional sting. Hanging out with just the girls is just so relaxing. There's no need to think nor the need to worry. You just be who you are, you're free to love, free to hate.

As I thought I would be able to start anew after today, I was cruelly reminded of what I feared. Something that I wished never to happen. A situation I never wanted to be in.
I finally realized there's nothing I can do to change it anymore. I had been in it for far too long, unconsciously and quite naturally.
In two different situations now, I wondered where had I gone wrong. I lived my life the way it goes, and I was told I was wrong. But was I really wrong?

I used to blame it on the fact that I graduated from an all-girls school, but if you would think about it, I grew to be far better from the others who're from a similar school.
I am glad to say I treat my [close] friends equally [applicable only if you don't annoy me], regardless of gender.
Perhaps it is wrong to you, but is it really wrong? Do friends really have to be divided in such a sense?

Somehow what I was said of gets to me, and a twitch was felt. I know the reason why. Perhaps I am really at fault? But what is the offense? Who am I guilty to?
I can't explain why but I'm feeling so messed up right now.
I wish to just runaway and never come back, never to be reminded again.

Care-free Again.

For a day, at least. After a whole five days of I-don't-know-what-to-..., today has finally come a better day.
In the morning when I woke up, I actually wasn't in the fittest condition to go out. But I had to [as I was so-called the organizer] and I want to [cause I don't exactly wanna stay alone]. Come the end of the day, I have no regrets at all.

Since we went for Dark Knight yesternight, I woke up a lil later than I was supposed to. Sleeping at 5am, I think I did just fine being able to leave home to KL-town by 11. Haha. We're supposed to meet up at 12 though. [Oops.]

Well, though many couldn't make it today, it was still great seeing these 7 people again. And to be frank, too big a group of people hanging out at one time for gathering like this isn't such a good idea. Lesson learnt.
But I still hope one day we could be able to gather EVERYBODY back together once again. It'll be so cool. ^o^

Nothing much has changed about these 7, and boy, were we noisy as ever. o.O
Mabel especially, of course. The ever-cute one, never afraid to just be who she is. The momma's girl, though. ^^
See Mei, the ever-I-don't-care-what-you-think girl. But she's still nice in nature. :)
Cheryl, the ever-selamba one. Gossiping with her is especially entertaining. =D
Shelva, the ever-lost one. She can understand Cantonese ok! So, she ain't that lost afterall. ;)
ET, the ever...whoa! Gosh, we were so surprised of what a shopaholic she had transformed to be over the years! Ahakz! XD
Catherine, the ever-studious one. The paling worrying one. Haihz. >.<
And [not in the photo] Kuan Gaik, the ever-vain one. Haha! [She's so gonna kill me if she reads this.] @@

I've never seen some of them for so long, I am just so glad we are still able to just be and hang out.
Shopping apart, I especially love talking to them [or rather sometimes, see/hear them talk]. The things that we say are all just so...pointless, at times. Haha. But I guess that's the fun of it. We just say, or act, however we are. No need for pretenses.

Sometimes I wish so badly to have these moments for a longer time, but I have to be back to reality. Reality had been cruel, but that's how I grow.
I'm looking forward to have another gathering with the girls again definitely.
For now, I gotta refresh myself and get some rest. Tomorrow will be another day out with another bunch of girls, my housemates.
We're hitting the mall again, for the first time just the 3 of us.
I'm tired, yes. Very tired indeed. But mentally, I'm just glad my weekend is pretty much occupied. ^^

Happy Birthday Mommy!!

Blessed be! May you have a great great day ahead!

If it wasn't for today in 1952, I don't know what becomes of me now. I thank Gramma for you! =D
For all the years in my life, thanks for being there and be the mother. Most importantly, thanks for opening up to me and be my great friend. It may have seemed awkward at first, but hey~ we did well. Haha. I remember how you scolded me for being such a kid. o.O

Wish I'm home, but I think this is the fourth year I'm away for your birthday. Certainly remembered the first year being away again! Ahakz. The 'dumb' thing I did that time just to substitute for my absence.
This year, my stupidity will improve just a lil. But it gotta wait... *winks*

Ficklemindedness.

After a great long chat with a really close friend, I'm still very much in a dilemma. Not knowing what I want, not knowing what to do. [It's back, it's back!! ><]
It was pretty sudden that I decided to talk to her about it, though I had wanted to do so for long. Not bad, I finally had the nerve to tell her.

As I was telling her about practically the whole stuffs and stories, I find myself annoying. Reason? I am fickle-minded, I am unsure of this and that and the worst part...the whole conversation was filled with "I duno".
Brrr...I know, it's just a matter of time that she'll grab something, anything available anywhere and hit it on me. Hehe. *sighs*

Thing was I didn't quite know what or how I want to tell her. I was even afraid that words wouldn't come out right, and meanings will be distorted/redirected. You'll never know how scary situations will be then.
And the other thing is, my mind is playing tricks on me. Everytime I'm telling this, that'll be in my head as well. Thus the twist and turning of words, because all of them are pushing their way through, not wanting to miss the drama.

Before we started on the conversation, I never expected that we would come up with any conclusion.
And true enough, even at the end of the conversation and until now, I have no conclusion in mind nor am I ready to make one. And yes, I wish to have one.
One more thing I just found out is that the reason I am telling her all these was probably just to hear someone says,

"It's okay. I agree with you. You can do that. Don't worry about it. Just go ahead with it."

Something like that. It's bad, really bad. But basically, I guess it's all I really want. Just so I know I have someone backing me up and supporting my acts. [Provided that it comes from her truly, of course.]

Thank God she never said that just to satisfy me. And I'm truly thankful for this friend to be there and listen and not wanting to kill me...yet. Hehe.
Thanks, girl. I might just come and kacau you even more in the future. *gasps*

Paused Array.

As randomly as it came, it is gonna be paused with pure randomness
[or suddenness] as well. Ah, at least for awhile.
Partly because I am kinda drained out. Nothing actually went whoosh-ing by for the past few days. As a matter of fact, I was pretty busy with this and that for a lil while that I didn't even wanna do much thinking.
Another reason would be because I wanna blog of something else in between too!!

But up till today, I had had half a dozen of the quests. If you have noticed, I have chosen not to reply to the comments. Not because I don't appreciate the comments [so, keep it coming *winks*], but truly only because it isn't something I wanna debate about. Instead, it is only something I had been pondering about and felt like sharing [or rather questioning].
I've read the comments posted, and responded to comments which came directly through the instant messages. Many actually suspected that I am troubled. Maybe I am, maybe I ain't afterall.
All I'm saying is, it's just stuffs that I think about. Oh, c'mon. Don't you think too? =p

Anyhow, thank you all for the concern. Yet, I'm fine...at least maybe for now.
Be prepared for more of these to come along in the future aight? *winks*
Maybe another half a dozen of these will come rolling by some time soon.
And keep thinking, people. That's pretty much the only characteristic that [supposedly] differentiates us from mere animals.
So, great people think alot and question even more. *grins*


p/s:
Ever since I changed my cellphone, I don't really remember birthdays. At least not until someone comes along and reminds me. So, my apologies.
I am, though, trying my best-est to re-enter all you people's birthdays into the new phone, set with reminders. Bear with me ya. =)
So, anyway Happy Birthday to Melanie and Alvin Lay [my old housemate] who both turned 21 on July 1st, Ming Soon and Mabel who celebrated 21st and 20th birthday respectively on July 7th and 8th. Hope you guys had a blessed birthday! *cheers*

....Shhh, did I miss out anyone? ><

What Would You Do? (Quest 6)

What would you do if a decision you make is bound for heartaches in the future?

Do you still opt for that decision though knowingly predicted the future of it?
Do you opt for that decision in faith that whatever happens next is probably something you can control or change?
Do you opt for that decision with the effort to prevent the prediction from befalling?
Do you opt for that decision simply because you wanted to, you loved to?
Do you opt for that decision after a serious long thoughts over it?

OR

Do you avoid making the decision because you fear of what the future holds?
Do you avoid in hopes that situations will be less complicated before you need to make the decision again?
Do you avoid because you wanna save all the hurt to yourself and to the people around you?
Do you avoid because you have had enough of thinking and would just loved to forget about it?

What would you do?

What Would You Do? (Quest 5)

What would you do if your loved or trusted ones hurt you?

A simple lie, a simple word, a simple act, a simple misunderstanding,
a simple inunderstanding, a simple neglection, a simple miscommunication.
However 'simple' all of these may be, you are hurt.

Do you confront the person and express your agony?
Do you hold grudges and await for the time when you can finally take revenge?
Do you act like nothing had happened, and proceed with life as normal?
Do you end whatever contact with the person to never be reminded of the grieves?
Do you forgive and forget, taking into account that it was only a simple thing and because you still love/trust the person?
Do you publicly tell off what the person had done to you [sometimes with the risk of maybe hurting yourself even further]?
Do you inflict guilt upon yourself, believing it was all your fault?

What would you do?

What Would You Do? (Quest 4)

What would you do if you find yourself to be THE hypocrite?

You know how people will tell other people how he/she should do this and that and all. The right steps to take. The logical do's and don'ts.

To criticize the way a person acts, in words that the act is wrong and is not of any sane person's act. To despise a person's character, in utterance of disgust.

Now everyone would expect that this smarty-pants would be the role model of the cakap-cakap. But truthfully, how many of us could seriously be the saint?

To find out that you yourself are the one wronging the wrong.
To find out that you yourself are becoming the person you loathe.

Do you accept it and admit that you were wrong about your comments before [and probably now too, if at all your comments were wrong]?
Do you deny what you have done [and are probably still doing] because it is not something to be proud of?
Do you continue being the hypocrite that you are, with full conscience of the truth?
Do you try to change your wrongs in hopes to rectify yourself?

What would you do?

What Would You Do? (Quest 3)

What would you do if you are given another shot, another chance of choice?

A shot that comes along unexpectedly.

A chance to re-do what you have done, but was not considered to be enough.

A choice to accept or reject, based solely on your own contemplations of it.

A decision that would affect you anyhow, either positively or negatively.

Question is, do you give the offer a thought, a serious consideration?

Do you list out all the pros and cons of the offer, putting more effort in emphasizing the good side of it?

Do you believe that this is another sign from God, for whatever matter the offer is directly or indirectly supposedly related to?

Do you accept the offer just for the sake of what it would be of to you in the future?
Or do you accept the offer because you merely think it is beneficial to you, in one way or another, now or later?
Or maybe you accept the offer because you made yourself believe that it is what you really want?
Or maybe even that you accept the offer due to pressure of any kind; peer, family, financial, etc?

Do you reject the offer for the fact that it reaches to you at the wrong time?
Or do you reject the offer because you say you won't be able to handle it, not even wanting to give it another try before concluding?
Or maybe you reject the offer because you are egoistic?
Or maybe even that you reject the offer because you are inconfident?

What would you do?
Note: If you accept the offer because you have nothing better to do or reject because you have a better offer to grab, don't bother to answer. *winks*

What Would You Do? (Quest 2)

What would you do if you get disappointed?

Be it of yourself, your loved ones, your friends or merely just the people around you.
Be it because of some serious matters, some unimportant matters [maybe to others but not to you], some minor issues that you just have to learn to live with or merely just some incidents breezing through your life.

Now, do you keep your disappointment to yourself, or tell it to a really close friend?
Do you keep thinking about the disappointment in heart despite every effort to forget, or bring yourself down to learn to live with the simple fact of disappointments?
Do you ache in the mind and soul over the disappointment, or get over it and forget?
Do you cry with every means to just let it all out, or stay tough and tell yourself it was all nothing?
Do you continue to give sanctuary to your disappointment, or correct the disappointment?

What would you do?

What Would You Do? (Quest 1)

What would you do if you find yourself living a mistake?

Do you continue living the mistake just because you are loving it, because you wanted to, or because you have to?
Do you continue living the mistake despite whatever you feel; guilt, queasiness, uncertainty, etc etc?
Do you continue living the mistake even knowing what it would lead to?
Do you continue living the mistake thinking it is what you SHOULD do?

OR

Do you stop living the mistake because you're unsure what you really feel?
Do you stop living the mistake because you never know what the future really holds, how things are even in the next minute?
Do you stop living the mistake because you convinced yourself it is wrong?
Do you stop living the mistake because you fear of what others think or say?

What would you do?